The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter

Published: 2016

Publisher: Philomel Books/Listening Library
Author's Twitter
Format: Audiobook, Unabridged
Narration by: Jorjeana Marie

Goodreads

Introduction 

Cassie has always been drowning, one way or another. When she was 15, her mother had her locked away in a psychiatric facility for youth. She was a troubled teen, but not mentally deranged. Her ineffectual father, co-dependent brother, and narcissistic mother left her there. When she turns 18, she's ready for freedom. Then her mother offers to pay for her tuition at college like nothing happened. Cassie still has all her emotional baggage, and yet her mother waltzes back in, after barely any communication after two and a half years. 

Genre

This book falls into the categories of mental health, mental illness, and realistic fiction. Cassie is labelled as crazy, sick, etc. and it is an excellent exploration of how absolutely dangerous these labels can be. Here, it becomes a weaponized tool in someone else's game. 

This is also a book that blows your heart to smithereens. I don't know how to define that as a genre, but it's there.    

Essay/Discussion Ideas

Toxic motherhood, toxic families, toxic fatherhood, a son being a white knight, and mental illness. I can't think of any other book quite like it. The internet has an abundance of lists for YA mental illness in general, where the MC has a mental illness to some degree. The only book I can think of that has parents a significant mental health issue is The Ravenous. If anyone can think of any, please leave a comment! I know there must be more out there. 

Final Thoughts 

Some parts were genuinely difficult to listen to. There are the obvious assault portions, but even just listening to everything Cassie has gone through and her reactions were challenging. Yet, it was cathartic to get through it. I wanted to defend her, even when her reactions weren't justified. It was an interesting experience. I highly recommend this to teens and adults looking for heart-rendering stories of mental illness, mother/daughter relationships, and dysfunctional families. It does have some heavier subject matter (sexual assault, emotional abuse, physical abuse, co-dependence). I listened to the audiobook and Jorjeana Marie was fantastic.